You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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