Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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