cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
