Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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