all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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