I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
