I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
