yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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