Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
