let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
