I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
