you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
