Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
