I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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