Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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