She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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