i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
time to smoke my breakfast
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
