the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
