i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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