Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
