We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
