Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
