I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
