I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
