um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
