So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
