My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
