i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
