Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
