Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
