My room smells like vodka and shame
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So much rum. So many feels.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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