I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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