NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
