you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
