i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
