I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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