Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
