...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
