I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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