The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
