you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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