I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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