miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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