Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My ATM looks so different sober.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
