I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
MIDGETS
????
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
