Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
