Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
