I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
