A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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