I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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